Me and Pablo Go See Guns N' Roses

Obligatory concert selfie.

The miracle had occurred. The original members of Guns N' Roses were getting back together. Most of the members, that is. Mainly AXL, Duff and Slash. Steven Adler was still MIA (though—spoiler alert—would appear for a few shows). And so wasn't the notoriously reclusive Izzy Stradlin. Izzay was MIA in the U - S - of - A.

 

I was as excited as any GNR fan to hear the news when it broke. In fact, I was so excited that I felt inspired to write an entire (short) memoir about my love of Guns N' Roses that evolved and took on many forms over about a 30-year period. I won't repeat what I said in that memoir, but, if you like, you can read the (short) memoir in full (see previous blog).

 

Anyway, it wasn't long after the band reunited that they announced they would play a couple shows together, one in Hollywood at their old Sunset Strip haunt The Troubadour and then another one at the Coachella music festival. A couple shows turned into a Las Vegas concert and then a tour was born, the "Not in this Lifetime" tour to be exact.

 

Not long after the announcement of the tour, a couple Boston dates were announced. Well, not Boston but Foxborough, Massachusetts if we're going to be specific and I'm going to be specific. GNR would be playing at the gargantuan "Gillette Stadium"—where the New England Patriots play—on July 19th AND the 20th. Gillette Stadium was literally ten minutes away from me. That's right: Guns N' Roses were going to be ten minutes away from me. Holy shit!

 

Now, it may surprise you that I didn't get tickets right away. This was partly because they were a little bit out of my budget range and also because none of my friends really liked GNR all that much so there was nobody to go with. But then I saw on Facebook that everyone was talking about the concert and buying tickets and I was, like, "There's no way I'm missing this fucking thing!" 

 

I decided to just say fuck it and buy a ticket before they sold out completely. Would I end up going alone? Well, I would worry about that later. I could potentially find somebody to go with down the line. Or maybe I'd just get wasted beforehand and go in and not give a damn that I was alone. I could always say my friends were sitting in "a different section" and nobody would probably ever call me out on such a lie. Not that I've thought all these scenarios through or anything and I do have friends by the way, I swear. Also, being friendless isn't a huge deal, anyway, because sometimes alone time can give you some of the best times of your life. But, I mean, ahem...none of that stuff is relevant. The main goal here was to NOT miss GNR. That's all I'm trying to say.

 

So I went to the Ticketmaster website and—right off the bat—it was almost as though the universe was trying to stop me from what I was doing. I used two different computers and both were freezing up and getting all slow on me. The server for Ticketmaster didn't seem to work properly either. 

 

When I finally DID put a ticket in my "cart", I was brutally reminded how Ticketmaster likes to rape you in every which way that it can. There was a $20 service fee added onto the ticket price and some other $10 fee. Maybe there was tax, too, but all I know is that a cheap nose-bleed ticket was about a hundred bucks at the end of it all.

 

I still wanted that ticket, though, so I proceeded to Ticketmaster's checkout and that was when I realized I couldn't use PayPal at the checkout. Shit! I didn't have...um...what the financial types would call a "valid credit card" at the time (I hereby plead the starving artist excuse) so I needed to use PayPal. But it was credit cards only. No PayPal! Shet!

 

And this was when I saw the writing on the wall. I'm no rocket astrologist or anything, but I know how to read the signs of the universe, and it seemed like the universe just didn't want me to buy a ticket. At least not now. Maybe I would buy one later. But not yet. Not yet. 

 

Little did I know that the universe had something else up its sleeve.

 

It was the Fourth of July and I received a message on Facebook from a former Spanish exchange student my family hosted back in the late 80s. Her name was and still is Virginia and she's all grown up now with four children of her own. Her eldest teenage son Pablo was coming to America for a month and would be staying with a host family a couple towns away from me. Virginia was wondering if I was going to the Guns N' Roses concert and, if so, could I possibly take him along?

 

See, I should explain that Virginia was very aware that I was a big Guns N' Roses fan. She knew this partly because she had read my (aforementioned) blog, but there's actually much more to it than that...

 

When Virginia came to live with my family in the late-80s, Guns N' Roses were just starting to blow up. She saw a poster on the wall of the bedroom that my brother and I shared at the time. That poster was a Guns N' Roses poster. She was in awe of how AXL and Slash looked and she asked us who this Guns and Roses was? We were, like, what, you're asking us who Guns and Roses are? Are you from some foreign land or something?! Oh, wait, sorry. You ARE...

 

Apparently GNR was not very big in Spain yet (though later on they would be). She had no idea who they were, but there must have been something about the GNR poster on our wall that was calling Virginia's name. The more time she spent in America, the more she was exposed to GNR what with "Sweet Child O' Mine" constantly being played on the radio and the "Welcome to the Jungle" video being played over and over on the MTV. When she left America, she took the music of GNR with her and she spread the good news of GNR to all her friends and family who would listen. Over time, she became more and more of a GNR fan, to the point where it's safe to say that she was a HUGE fan. And I don't say that lightly. I mean, she actually had the song "November Rain" as her wedding song. That's dedication, man!

 

Now, it was only about three years ago that I found Virginia on Facebook. My family hadn't been in contact with her in years and—for me—it was almost like getting in touch with a long-lost sister. I was only seven-years-old at the time Virginia stayed with us in the 80s, but she left quite an impression on me. She was really cool and funny with a very down-to-earth sense of humor. There were also a lot of good memories made, one of the most memorable being one night when we watched Alfred Hitchcock's THE BIRDS with her. It was the first time any of us had ever seen that movie and we were all completely freaked out afterwards. 

 

Not to go off on a tangent or anything, but what made our viewing of THE BIRDS even more memorable was that, the day after watching the movie, I actually had an incident with...well, a bird! I was playing on the steps outside our house and a bird started attacking me. I ran inside and the bird tried to follow me in. I quickly shut our screen door and the bird hung on the screen with its claws and it kept squawking at me, pissed as anything. Everybody came to see what all the commotion was about. The bird kept squawking and we had no idea what its problem was; it's not like I was messing with it at all. All we could think about was the movie we had just seen! REAL life was mimicking REEL life! It was just so weird, but it became something we all joked about for the rest of the time Virginia stayed with us.

 

So, yes, good times were had with Virginia and it was great reconnecting with her on Facebook. Over the past few years, Virginia and I have corresponded on Facebook quite a bit and it was during this correspondence that I found out how big of a GNR fan she had become. She also refreshed my memory that it was here in America, in the household of Burns, where she first learned who GNR even was. I was kind of proud of that.

 

Anyway, when she asked about the GNR concert, I told Virginia that "as loco as it sounds" I did not currently have tickets. It was possible that I was going to get some at the last minute, but I had no idea. Well, Virginia quickly responded and said not to worry. She would buy two tickets, one for me and one for her son Pablo. That way, I could bring Pablo to the concert and she would know that her son would be safe. I quickly responded that, hell yes, that all sounded awesome to me if it was OK with her!

 

Within only about an hour or so I had two Guns N' Roses tickets in my email inbox, one for me and one for Pablo. Wow, this was actually happening! I was officially going to the Guns N' Roses "Not in this Lifetime" concert. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Okay, I didn't have to do that.

 

The timing couldn't have worked out better. Pablo was already going to be in Massachusetts. He was a big GNR fan. He wanted to go. I wanted to go. I needed a ticket. He needed somebody to take him there. I was able to take him there. It was a win-win for us both. No wonder why the universe had gotten in the way of me buying a ticket previously. Again, I'm no rocket astrologist or anything, but there was apparently a greater plan in the works the whole time.

 

A week or two went by and I started Facebook messaging with my new amigo Pablo. We came up with a plan where I'd pick him up at his host family's house in Natick, then drive to Walpole to meet my family and then head over to the concert from there.

 

So the day of the concert arrived and—from the get-go—the plan went seamlessly. When I picked up Pablo, I expected his English to be minimal and I'd have to resort to a combination of Spanglish and charade-like body gestures to communicate. But his English was great. It didn't take long for me to realize I could basically say anything to him and he understood what I was talking about. I was even kind of disappointed that I wouldn't need to use any of the scant amount of Spanish I still remembered from my high school days. I thought it would be an interesting challenge and a stimulating brain exercise. Oh well.

 

Not only was Pablo's English great but so wasn't his personality and sense of humor. I instantly felt comfortable and relaxed talking to him like he was a long-lost buddy. I could crack jokes and he could crack jokes and it was interesting to see how we were both on the same wave-length despite the fact that we were from two different cultures. 

 

It was also interesting hearing what Pablo found fascinating about America. Riding around with him, it was like having a new set of eyes. He liked the trees we had and the forests. He was impressed that the houses were made of wood (not stucco)! And we had mailboxes and ice cream trucks similar to what he'd seen in the movies. Everything I had learned to take for granted or just not care about he found amazing.

 

When I brought him back to Walpole, my family was eager to meet him and they were instantly impressed by the young, fifteen-year-old lad. They were able to talk with Pablo for a good hour or so while—giddy as a schoolgirl—I went to pick the perfect outfit for the concert. My family loved Pablo. Everything about him reminded them of Virginia and it was kind of like a surreal trip down memory lane.

Pablo with my family (photo by me)

Me with my family, all ready for the concert (photo by Pablo)

Okay, I'll get to the concert. Sorry for all the foreplay.

 

Despite the fact that my house is only about ten minutes from the Gillette Stadium, it probably took us about a half hour for us to drive to the spot where we were going to park because traffic and police roadblocks, detours and such. Now, as far as parking goes, that actually leads me to the next serendipitous event here...

 

Shortly after Virginia bought the GNR tickets, I started thinking about where the best place to park would be. Parking at the stadium costs $40! So I didn't know whether it was worth doing that or maybe just getting a ride close-by and walking.

 

Well, as serendipity would have it, a dog-sitting gig came my way only a couple days after Virginia gifted me with a GNR ticket and the owners of said dogs happened to live right by Gillette Stadium. I went to meet with these people and the subject of the concert came up. They insisted that I park at their place and it was only about a fifteen minute walk to the stadium from there. I could save money and a lot of hassle! Once again, I'm not a rocket astrologist, but clearly the universe wanted me to go see Guns N' Roses. The stars were really aligning for this one.

So I took them up on their offer. I parked at their house with Pablo and it worked out great. It was a nice night so we had a pleasant walk down the road, cut through a dirt path with a frog pond, walked over some train tracks, saw an empty Dunkin' Donuts box, took a right and then a left, fiddled with our ear once and scratched our noses twice, and then...

 

Whoa.

 

There was the buzzing sound of people and then an energy that rushed up on me. It was an exciting energy, but to be honest, it kind of felt like a menacing energy as well. I felt kind of intimidated, almost in danger.

 

The energy came from all the people who were boozing and barbecuing in the gigantic parking lot of the stadium. Pablo and I had no choice but to cut through this crowd and we were both glad we did because it was a really surreal experience. There were people from all walks of life, many of which looked as though they had been hibernating somewhere since Guns N' Roses broke apart more than 20 years ago. A lot of them had skin that looked burnt-out, somewhat sooty and baked-potato-like. These people kind of reminded me of the guys who worked at the carnival that used to come to my town every April. Specifically, I was reminded of the gentleman who operated that ride "The Zipper". Or maybe it was the man who worked the "Gravitron"? Yes, it was maybe that one.

 

Of course, there were a lot more normal-looking people there as well. But the overall energy, like I said, was a mix of excitement and danger. And I realized this made sense because, shit, everybody was there to see the 'dangerous' band that was Guns N' Roses. Well, they at least used to be 'dangerous'. That's how they were marketed when they first rose to fame back in the late 80s and, heck, by all accounts, they WERE rather dangerous. I mean, people often rioted and some people even died at one of their concerts. But the band has, of course, mellowed out now that they're older.

 

So Pablo and I wove our way further through the crowd and, as we did, the energy only got more intense. People were drinking and they were drinking A LOT. I kind of wanted to pound a few Natty Ices myself, mainly because the energy of the crowd was overstimulating my senses and I needed something to numb them. But I needed to keep myself together and be a responsible adult. Pablo was counting on me.

 

We pretty much went right into the stadium as soon as we arrived. Security was tight and we had to go through a metal detector before we entered. They didn't pat us down or anything, though, so I wished I had snuck in some granola bars with me or some other light snack. 

Feeling thirsty, I bought a four-dollar Aquafina water bottle from a lady at a small concession stand. I saw the lady take the cap off the bottle and then I went to reach for it, but then she said, "No, I keep that." I'm not sure why she needed to keep the cap, but I asked her no further questions.

 

Lenny Kravitz was opening for Guns N' Roses and his band started playing right around seven o'clock. I must say I was more or less indifferent about seeing Lenny when I heard he was going to be opening. In fact, it wouldn't have mattered to me at all if I missed him altogether. And it wasn't that I didn't like his music; again, I was just indifferent.

 

Well, let me tell you something: I'm glad I got into the stadium on time to see Lenny. He opened with a song called "Bring it on" and his voice sounded incredible. The word that immediately came to mind to describe his voice was "golden". Both Pablo and I were immediately wowed. It sounded so friggin' golden.

Lenny onstage as the sun went down.

Lenny played most of his popular songs like "American Woman", "Fly Away" and of course "Are You Gonna Go My Way", which he closed with. His band consisted of a trumpet player and a saxophone player, back-up singers...the works. It was really a sight to see and I feel like only seeing Kravitz live really does his voice justice.

 

Honestly, I kind of felt bad for Lenny, though, because the stadium was nearly empty for most of his set. The people were still outside in the parking lot boozing up a storm. Most everybody was clearly only there to see GNR. Hell, I was only there to see GNR, but I just happened to arrive on time and go into the stadium on time and I was glad I did.

It was a beautiful night for a concert.

Lenny's set was over by about eight o'clock and then the roadies started getting the stage ready for Guns N' Roses. At this point, the stadium was getting more and more crowded. Everybody was starting to spill in from the parking lot and there was definitely an exciting buzzing and murmuring in the air. That menacing energy I felt outside in the parking lot was now oozing its way into the stadium. I was excited, but there was also that touch of fear making you a little uneasy.

 

Then, a Guns N' Roses logo appeared on one of the giant Jumbotron screens to the sides of the stage. One of the guns in the logo went off and made this awesome subwoofery sound that literally gave me chills. It kept doing this maybe every 30 seconds or so. It was kind of like a countdown and build-up to GNR coming onto the stage. It was also probably a Siren-like call to all the people still boozing in the parking lot, that they should hurry and get their asses into the stadium. 

 

I don't know what it was about the sound of those gunshots, but they sounded so awesome. They were so bigger than life. God-like. Just so awesome. Did I mention they sounded awesome?

I should probably also mention that—by this time in the night—I was sipping my one and only beer of the evening. I had gotten it after a quick bathroom break I took during Lenny's "Fly Away". It was a watery Bud Light and it cost me $13.

 

So, with the faintest of buzzes now tingling my bloodstream, I sat in my seat listening to those ominous gunshots and it felt like I was being transported back to the late 80s or early 90s. I know this sounds weird to say, but I could feel exactly how it felt when GNR played stadiums during their heyday. I'm not sure why I say this, but I kind of just felt exactly how it felt like back then. Do I sound nuts? I think I probably do. Or maybe it was just the thirteen-dollar Bud Light messing with my mind. Maybe a thirteen-dollar Bud Light has some sort of magic drug in it that takes you for a little trip. For thirteen friggin' dollars, I would hope it would have some sort of drug like that, for cry eye! I don't want to believe it's only shameless capitalism that explains the thirteen-dollar price-tag.

 

Anyway, as more time went by, the subwoofery gunshot sounds became more frequent and then there were even assault rifle sounds. Pretty soon, all the seats in the stadium more or less filled up and then some guys nonchalantly walked onstage with no announcement whatsoever. It was AXL, Slash, Duff and the rest! There was no big fanfare. No big, "Ladies and gentlemen—from Hollywood—Guns and fucking Roses!" Nope, there was nothing like that. Just a humble walk out onto the stage and then the crowd suddenly realized what was going on and started screaming in a delayed reaction. The scream started out low, but then it started to grow and grow and grow...

 

I turned to Pablo and asked him what he thought they were going to open with. He said he wasn't sure, but—whatever it was—he said it was going to be some loud and strong guitar with very high energy. I agreed with him about the strong guitar, but I specified that it wouldn't be normal guitar; it would be bass guitar. Oh yes. I'm sure fans of GNR know exactly what I'm getting at here...

 

I told Pablo my bet was on them opening with "It's So Easy".

 

Sure enough, Duff's familiar opening bass riffs kicked into high gear and GNR broke into "It's So Easy":

 

"...I see your sister in her Sunday dress

She's out to please

She pouts her best..."

 

I must say that—no matter how much live footage I've seen of GNR on YouTube and such—it was surreal seeing the band onstage and I mean seeing them in the real world with my own eyes and listening to their music live in its purest form (not on a pre-recorded video). There was a moment where I felt very present and in-the-moment. "This is happening," I whispered to myself. "It really is. Also...you rock, Matt. You smell nice, too."

 

After "It's So Easy", the drummer pretty much went right into the beginning drums for "Mr. Brownstone" and this was when the reality of what was happening sunk in even further. I was seeing GNR live! And they were playing all my favorite songs. "This is so fucking awesome!"

As AXL sang about the malicious Mr. Brownstone, my nostrils suddenly felt tickled by a skunky odor wafting its way up from the stands below. First, it started out faint and then a little stronger and then...it was wicked potent. Pablo turned to me at a certain point, gave me a look and wrinkled his nose. 

 

"Marijuana," Pablo said.

 

"Yes, Pablo. Marijuana."

 

And we left it that. For a moment, I thought that—being the responsible adult—I should quickly remind him to just say no to drugs. But then I got distracted. Because Slash was suddenly playing some familiar-sounding guitar riffs...

 

The riffs were the opening to "Welcome to the Jungle", which is perhaps my favorite GNR song and probably the only GNR song I know every single lyric to. I can tell you all about how I used to sing "Welcome to the Jungle" at least once or twice a week at various karaoke bars, but I already go over all that in my (aforementioned) GNR memoir. 

 

After "Welcome to the Jungle" came some "Use Your Illusion" tunes and even some songs from "Chinese Democracy" that I never really heard before, though they actually sounded really good.

 

Overall, I was surprised to see how pleasant AXL was, especially seeing that he has such a near-mythological reputation of being a difficult person. It seemed like he got to a point, like maybe five or six songs into the set, where he realized he was "feeling it"—the performance, that is. It was like he had fully warmed up and he got into a zone. And after that point you could just tell he was having a great time. 

 

The songs that stick out the most throughout the set (for me, anyway) were "My Michelle", "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" and later "Nightrain". AXL's voice sounded incredible in all of these songs. What's always amazed me about AXL (and I'm sure I'm not alone) is his split-personality-like vocal range. When he's low he's really low and when you hear him sing like this you would never imagine him being able to get as high as he can. It's like Jekyll and Hyde or something. The low voice is some sort of Hyde-like demon inside of him and the high voice is Jekyll almost being held prisoner by Hyde. Yes, that IS the best way to describe it. Please don't raise your eyebrows at me.

 

As far as "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" goes, I've never really been that huge a fan of that song. I don't know if this is because it's a cover or what, but I've just never been a huge fan. However, hearing it performed live was a whole different story. AXL did a whole call and response deal where he would belt out "Knock knock knockin' on heaven's door" and then the crowd would shout it back to him. He did this about three or four times during the course of the song and he held absolutely nothing back. What amazed me is knowing that AXL knew he had a second show to do the following night. But this didn't seem to deter him from giving the performance his all, not one single bit. If he blew out his voice? Oh well. He didn't seem to give a shit.

 

In fact, AXL's voice was what probably impressed me the most about the whole show. I mean, I was prepared to cut him A WHOLE LOTTA slack if his voice just wasn't what it used to be. And even though it probably wasn't as good as it was when he was, like, 27-years-old, it was still really fucking good. I was pretty shocked, actually. You would have expected a voice like his that's taken so much abuse over the years—from his screams and howls and shrieks—to have been weathered. But for a 54-year-old dude who's been singing for years he sounded absolutely incredible. I don't know what he does, but he must take good care of that voice of his. He must drink a lot of tea with honey.

 

AXL and the rest of GUNS played for more than two hours...maybe even two and A HALF hours. It was a killer set with basically every song you would want to hear with very few exceptions. "Don't Cry" was noticeably missing from the set, but that's honestly the one main song I noticed wasn't performed. And I don't really care about "Don't Cry". I'm more of an "Appetite" fan above anything else and—now that I think of it—most of the songs from that album were played. "Welcome to the Jungle", "It's So Easy," "Nightrain", "Out Ta Get Me", "Mr. Brownstone", "Paradise City" (their closing song), "My Michelle", "Sweet Child O Mine", and "Rocket Queen". All present and accounted for.

 

Later into the set, a trapdoor opened in the very front of the stage and a piano rose from the pit below. Everybody hollered at the sight of the piano because they knew what song was coming up. Yep, you guessed it: "November Rain".

 

I actually kind of almost shed tears during "November Rain" but not because it's such a beautiful song, which it is. No, I was getting misty-eyed because it was during this song that I especially noticed how content and at-peace AXL appeared to be. You could clearly tell he was enjoying himself and he knew the show was going well. Between singing the lyrics in the song he would look down at his piano keys and he had this boyish grin on his face. It wasn't a menacing grin, nor was it smug. It was just peaceful. It seemed like he was in his happy-place, perhaps because most of the original band was once-again back together. And really, if you think about it, this was kind of a miracle. It was called the "Not in this Lifetime" tour because AXL had once said publicly that he never thought the band would get back together. "Not in this lifetime," he said. But there he was onstage again with most of the original band members. I'm sure the whole tour has been surreal for him.

 

That all being said, I would be full of shit if I were to say that the band members looked like they were best buds again. For the most part, they seemed to stay in their own spaces on the very big, non-intimate stage and only interact with each other on a very minimal basis. I mean, in old live videos, AXL would run around the stage, put his arm around Duff and Slash, sing into the mic with them...that kind of thing. But there wasn't much of that going on. There are clearly wounds in the band that will never completely heal. I don't know if they'll ever have that buddy-like dynamic onstage ever again...

 

Probably not in this lifetime, anyway.

 

Nevertheless, just the fact that AXL, Slash and Duff are actually back on tour with each other is miraculous enough. Even Steven Adler (as I mentioned before) played a few songs with them at a couple different shows throughout the tour (he wasn't in Foxborough, unfortunately). The only last remaining member out there is Izzy Stradlin and, as far as I know, he's not on any major bad terms with any of the members. I just think he prefers not go back to his days playing with GNR. Maybe he was traumatized by all the band drama, or maybe it was just the craziness of fame that traumatized him. Who knows.

 

I'm not sure if it was planned or just coincidence that—at one point during the night—Slash and the rhythm guitar player Richard Fortus did an instrumental guitar version of the Pink Floyd song "Wish You Were Here". It was a beautiful rendition and I couldn't help but wonder if it was a call for Izzy to join them onstage. I almost got a little misty-eyed during that one, too.

 

Before you knew it, 11 o'clock had rolled around and this was around the time when GNR played the crowd-pleasing sing-along song "Sweet Child O' Mine". At the end, AXL shouted "thank you!" and the band cleared the stage. Thinking the show was over, some people actually started to leave (ha, what idiots!), but I smelled an encore on the horizon. I leaned over to Pablo and said "They're going to play 'Paradise City'. There's no way they won't play Paradise City." Well, after a couple minutes, the band did come back onstage and actually played a four-song encore, the last song of which was, indeed, "Paradise City". And what a finale it was. There were all sorts of pyrotechnics and fireworks. Plus, it featured a guitar solo that Slash played with his guitar behind his back.

 

"Boston!" AXL shouted to the crowd as the song's ending came to a crescendo. "Good...fucking...night!"

 

And that was it. The concert was over and the band left the stage, though they did come out one more time to take a bow. They all had their arms around each other at this point, which was nice to see. It didn't even really look forced either. The drummer threw his drumsticks into the crowd and the guitarists threw their picks. I think AXL even threw his microphone.

 

A photo of the merch truck (on left) I took before the concert.

Then, it was a friggin' mass exodus out of the stadium. Pablo wanted to buy some souvenirs to bring back home to Spain with him so we spent maybe 15 minutes or so waiting in line at the "merch truck". He ended up buying a hat and a poster. As for me, I was thiiiiis close to buying a cool, 1980s-style mesh hat with the GNR logo on it, but I decided against doing so because it was $25. A day or two later I looked online for the exact same hat and saw that I could get it probably for about ten dollars. I had a feeling that would be the case, though I suppose it wouldn't be the same as purchasing the hat at an official GNR merch truck.

After Pablo acquired his souvenirs, we both tried to find our way back to my car, though we had difficulty retracing the same steps we took to get to the stadium. Both the train station and the dirt path were difficult to find. Nothing was lit up and I had to use the trusty flashlight feature that was on my smartphone. There were times when we were a tad concerned we would get mugged and we did pass one particular shady character at the dark, currently-out-of-operation train station who was seemingly waiting for a "night train". Fortunately, we made it back to my car in one piece and I proceeded to drive Pablo back to his host family's home in northern Natick.

I got Pablo back to his host's house by a little after one o'clock. I was back at my own house by about ten minutes before two. Not too shabby.

 

Overall, the night was a smooth success. Pablo was safe and sound and we had both witnessed one hell of a concert that night. It wasn't an expensive night, either. That one thirteen-dollar Bud Light made my wallet a little lighter, but what can you do? It could have been way worse.

More notably, I guess I sort of scratched something off my bucket list. I saw Guns N' Roses live, and, although it wasn't the entire band intact, it was still pretty damn close. And probably as close as I was ever going to get.

 

As fun a night as it was, though, there's still one thing that's kind of vexing me. I'm still wondering why I couldn't keep the cap to my four-dollar water bottle. I should have asked more questions. I had a right to know.

…

 

 

MATT BURNS is the author of several novels, including Weird Monster, Supermarket Zombies!, The Woman and the Dragon and Johnny Cruise. He’s also written numerous memoirs, including GARAGE MOVIE: My Adventures Making Weird Films, My Raging Case of Beastie Fever, Jungle F’ng Fever: My 30-Year Love Affair with Guns N’ Roses and I Turned into a Misfit! Check out these books (and many more) on his Amazon author page HERE.

 

 

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My Childhood Obsession with Rambo

 

Video Store Memories

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Charlie (a story about Burns’ recurring nightmares featuring Charlie Chaplin)

 

Short memoirs/nostalgia:

CAPE CODDING IT: A Cape Cod Vacation Memoir

GREYHOUNDING IT, BABY! A Guide to taking a Greyhound Bus Long Distances

 

Visiting Mom in the ICU (short story contest winner)

 

A Love Letter to the Emerald Square Mall (about the death of the shopping mall age)

NEVER FORGET the Fun-O-Rama (a traveling carnival memoir)

Some Wicked Good Times: A Love Letter to Newbury Comics

Skateboarding in the 1990s

WAAF Goes Off the Air

Remembering That Time I Tried to Stop a Shoplifter at the Wrentham Outlets

The Strange, Surreal Moment of Being Called a DILF Inside a Panera Bread Restaurant on a Wednesday Afternoon

Weird Times en la Weirdioteca

 

Gaming/computers nostalgia:

 

RIP PowerBook G3

PROXOS IN THE PLEX: A Goldeneye 007 N64 Retrospective

 

100 DAYS of ZELDA: Revisiting Ocarina of Time

I Dream of Dream Machine (a memoir of the local video arcade)

 

I USED TO BE A GAMER: The 8-bit Nintendo Years

 

 

Writing Tips/Advice:

 

THE AUDIO BOOK EXPERIMENT: Tips and Advice on How to Record Your First Audio Book

Getting Your Novel Done

 

Making Your Good Writing Great

Getting Your Screenplay Done

 

Writing the Sequel

 

Writing the Trilogy

No-No, Learn to Love the Rejection: Some Sage Advice for Writers in Search of an Agent or Publisher

 

The Story Behind Supermarket Zombies!

The Story Behind The Woman and the Dragon

My 30-Year Love Affair with Guns N' Roses

Holy shit! I was as excited as anybody to hear the news. AXL Rose and (most) of the other original members of Guns N' Roses were getting back together to launch a reunion tour. God had finally gotten around to answering my prayers!

 

Nobody thought this was ever going to happen. Slash had said over and over again that it would likely NEVER happen, that the wounds in the band were just so deep that they would never heal enough for him to ever reconcile with AXL. But, somehow, they healed. Or maybe they haven't healed. Perhaps the money is just right. I mean, surely a reunion tour for GNR means big bucks. This was obviously going to be a big payday for the entire band. So maybe it's just all about the money, who knows...

 

But whether the band's wounds are healed or still oozing with puss, who really gives a shit? The important thing is that the band's back together. I mean, I couldn't believe my ears when I heard this news. In fact, I didn't believe my ears. I basically said, yeah, I've heard THAT one before!

I was in a state of disbelief until April 1st rolled around and a video started trending all over the Internet. The video actually showed AXL, Duff and Slash on stage together. They were back at one of the band's old haunts, the famous Troubadour rock club on the Sunset Strip in Hollywood. At first, people thought it was an April Fool's joke, but—no—it was actually happening! GNR was playing together!

 

Well, sort of. 

 

Technically, Duff, Slash and AXL were playing together. Izzy Stradlin and Steven Adler remained MIA. But, still, this was really big news, especially the fact that Slash, Duff and AXL had somehow found it in their hearts to forgive each other. Well, I think it was mostly Slash and Duff who had to forgive AXL. See, towards the end of their time with GNR, AXL had supposedly become insufferable. The frontman's ego had taken over completely and he was just impossible to be in a band with anymore. During one concert, AXL refused to go onstage until Slash and Duff signed a contract giving AXL sole ownership of the band's name "Guns N' Roses". At the time, Slash and Duff just wanted to get AXL on stage and cut the bullshit. But later on they realized that they had been screwed over and they eventually quit the band. There was understandably bad blood between Slash, Duff and AXL for about 20 years. I still don't think the three of them are the tightest of buddies right now, but they're able to play together on the same stage and that's all that really matters for GNR fans, right?

 

Right.

 

Seeing the old "band" performing on the Troubadour stage (via YouTube video) sent me on a trip down memory lane. I traced my love affair with GNR all the way back to 1987 or 1988, right around the time when the singles "Sweet Child O' Mine" and "Welcome to the Jungle" were released. This was back in the heyday of music videos and, since I had older siblings, MTV was always on in my house. My parents were pretty lax when it came to censoring what I watched (I think I still turned out all right) and I was basically able to watch Guns N' Roses videos without any problem, despite the fact that I was only six or seven years old. 

 

Now, I was exposed to A LOT of music videos when I was young, but there was something about Guns N' Roses videos that left a bigger impression, mostly the video for "Welcome to the Jungle". I was absolutely fascinated with what I was watching and listening to. AXL Rose in the "Welcome to the Jungle" video looked so...what's the word...striking? His hair was all teased out and his makeup made him look like some sort of wild animal from the—yes, you got it—jungle.

I have vivid memories of hopping on my little mini indoor trampoline that we had in our newly-finished basement. MTV was on and "Welcome to the Jungle" was howling out of the TV's monaural speaker. I held a hairbrush in my hand and pretended it was a microphone. At this point, I knew most of the lyrics to the song by heart: 

 

"Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games, we got anything you want, baby you know the names...."

 

These trampoline sessions became rehearsals for upcoming family parties where my AXL Rose impressions quickly became a huge hit. My older cousins got a big kick out of making me perform "Welcome to the Jungle" for them in a secret living room or den that was located away from the main party. No grown-ups were allowed. 

 

One time, after I had finished howling out my performance, my cousins dared me to run up to my grandmother in the other room and scream, "Nanny! Do you know where you are?!" Being only seven-years-old at the time, all I wanted to do was please my older and much cooler cousins. So I took them up on their dare:

 

"Nanny, do YOU know where you are?! You in the jungle, baby!"

 

I didn't say the "you're gonna die" part, but poor Nanny was shocked out of her wits. My cousins thought it was hilarious while my mom told me I was too hyper and needed to settle down before I threw up my dinner (something that was known to happen).

 

Unfortunately, my knowledge of Guns N' Roses didn't really extend beyond what I saw on the MTV. My parents amazingly did allow me to buy a Guns N' Roses cassette single at the local "Record Town" music store (or was it called "Good Vibrations" then?), but it was the "Patience" single and they knew the song was pretty soft, whispery and appropriate for younger ears. What they didn't know, however, was that there was a Side B and on this Side B was a song that was completely IN-appropriate for young ears. 

 

The song was called "Rocket Queen".

 

I—pardon my Chinese—fucking LOVED "Rocket Queen". I had bought the cassette single because I thought I liked "Patience", but I ended up listening to "Rocket Queen" on Side B way, way more. At the time, I didn't think much about what the song was about (i.e. a junkie prostitute) because I was so young and innocent. I also didn't think much about the female moaning sounds featured in the bridge of the song. I just thought the moans were a cool vocal effect. Little did I know that they were the sounds of a girl actually having sex with AXL in the recording studio. Yes, if you're not aware of that little story, AXL got Steven Adler's ex-girlfriend (Adriana Smith) to have sex with him in the vocal booth and they recorded the actual sounds for the sex session. Then they cut the sounds into the song. How fucking rock and roll is that?!

I still have the cassette single and it's in great shape.

But, no, aside from "Rocket Queen", I was pretty much unaware of most of the songs on "Appetite for Destruction" that hadn't been made into MTV music videos. I wanted to go out and buy the "Appetite" album with my tooth fairy money, but it had a reputation of being very, very bad because there were some really bad swears on it. We're talking hard-core F-bombs here, not just soft-core shit. Not only would my parents forbid me to own such an album, but—to tell you the truth—I was actually kind of scared of the album anyway. It had such a bad reputation and I was literally intimidated by it. I mean, just the mere cover art of the album scared me. There was a crucifix with a bunch of freaky skulls on it!

 

I think my brother—who was five years older than me—eventually bought the album on cassette, but, for a while, the only person I knew who owned "Appetite" was the bad-ass who lived up the street and around the corner. His name was James and it wasn't surprising that his parents allowed him to have the album. He had everything else bad-ass, including his very own TV, VCR and even a "scrambler" (i.e. illegal black box) that allowed him to get every single channel in existence, including—yes, you guessed it—the Spice Channel. Ooh là là.

 

Bad-ass James would walk around the neighborhood with his denim jacket, singing "Mr. Brownstone" because he just didn't give a shit. It was via bad-ass James that I first heard "Mr. Brownstone". The song not only had an F-bomb in it, but it actually had a mother-F-bomb. James wasn't shy about singing this part of the song. He was so damn bad!

 

So, yes, "Appetite" had a bad reputation. But, of course, if you compare the album to the music of today—what with your "artists" like Chris Brown and Tyga talking about "F'ng bitches three ways"—listening to "Appetite" is practically tantamount to listening to a Josh Groban Christmas album. But back then in the late 80's having F-bombs in songs was a bigger deal. Record companies really didn't allow much cussing into the albums they were producing. In their eyes, swearing actually got in the way of an album selling well (imagine that!). For these reasons, "Appetite" was even more bad-ass. "Appetite" had F-bombs, man. It was rebellious.

As the 1980's came to a close and the grunge bands started to come out of the woodwork in the early 90's, I (temporarily) grew out of my Guns N' Roses phase and started getting into bands like the Beastie Boys and, well, mostly the Beastie Boys. My love affair with the Beastie Boys is a whole other story I won't get into right now, but it was borderline unhealthy. 

 

As the 90's progressed, however, my musical horizons started to expand even more and I started getting into all sorts of bands and genres, even going so far as to have a reasonably long "techno" phase. When I say techno, I'm talking about the good, jungle, acid-house shit that you heard at raves. I'm talking Rabbit in the Moon and Orb and The Crystal Method and all the stuff Astralwerks was putting out at the time. I was even into more mainstream techno like The Chemical Brothers and Fatboy Slim and Paul Oakenfold. That was all damn good stuff. 

 

Then along came the millennium. I started college that same year and I entered a punk phase, The Misfits probably being my favorite band around that time. There was also The Ramones, though, and more obscure bands like Boston-based band The Unseen. I went to punk shows in Boston here and there. I saw The Misfits a couple times. I actually played the drums in a punk band of my own. Blah blah blah. Yada yada yada...

 

But then along came the year 2006 when I rediscovered GNR. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I became absolutely obsessed with the "Appetite for Destruction" album around this time. I was, of course, old enough at this point to buy the album and listen to it without my parents caring (though I did, um, have to do it discretely). This was the first time in my life that I had ever valued an album as a piece of art. I mean, up until that point, I was interested in singles or groups of songs here and there, but I never really appreciated an album as an artistic entity unto itself. I listened to "Appetite" from track one—"Welcome to the Jungle"—all the way to track 12—"Rocket Queen". I did this over and over again. And over again. Over again. I tried to hide the fact that I was doing this so I didn't look weird, but my family knew full-well what I was up to. My parents kept on finding the "Appetite" CD in their sweet, state-of-the-art Bosé CD player. They found it kind of odd and I think they wondered if I had turned autistic overnight. No offense, but it WAS very Asperger-y behavior, I admit. Because that's all I listened to. And I listened to it over and over again.

 

Unlike people suffering from Asperger’s, though, I was well-aware of how odd my behavior was. The question was WHY I was so obsessed with the "Appetite" album? What was it about this album—and only this album—that spoke to me? I liked a lot of the other songs from the "Use Your Illusion" albums, but, to me, "Appetite" was what Guns N' Roses were put on earth for. I mean, "November Rain" is a great song. So isn't "You Could Be Mine". Ain't nothing wrong with a little "Civil War" either. But there's something really special about the songs on the "Appetite" album, more special than anything else GNR ever did. 

 

The reasons, of course, probably aren't all that mysterious. "Appetite" is the only album where the very original GNR band was fully intact. Even when Steven Adler got kicked out, GNR was never the same. Their band was a very special five-sided pentagon...or pentagram? Something like that. Steven Adler was not the greatest drummer in the world and—objectively speaking—Matt Sorum (who replaced him) was a much better drummer. But Steven Adler's drumming was the right fit for the band, a perfect piece to fit into the puzzle that was GNR. In other words, Adler was an integral part of the band and, when he left, GNR already started to crumble. And it crumbled more when Izzy Stradlin left. And then there was Slash and Duff...

 

Once it was just AXL remaining it wasn't even Guns N' Roses anymore, even though he secured the rights to using the name. It was more like the "AXL Rose show". You went to see him live, but it was basically only like a novelty act. It was like seeing Barry Williams (Greg) from "The Brady Bunch" do a spoken word show at UMASS Amherst. Or something like that. I think you hear me barking, dog. What I'm trying to say is that it wasn't the whole GNR "bunch", not even remotely close.

 

Anyway, yes, in 2006 I basically listened to nothing but the "Appetite" album, over and over again. In hindsight, I think part of the reason for this was because I was in the middle of writing a screenplay called JOHNNY CRUISE that was about Hollywood and Los Angeles. The project was basically about the dark side of the American Dream and I thought that "Appetite" was essentially about that very thing. I mean, if you listen to "Welcome to the Jungle", it's basically a song welcoming people to an American nightmare. Then there's songs like "Mr. Brownstone" about heroin addiction and, of course "Rocket Queen" about a junkie prostitute and then there's a song like "Out Ta Get me" about, well, people out to get you. The album as a whole perfectly captured the dark side of Hollywood, Los Angeles and, more generally speaking, America. I think this was why I couldn't stop listening to it.

 

Regardless of what the reasons were, the fact of the matter was that I was obsessed with "Appetite". And this obsession ended up awakening the seven-year-old in me. I suddenly had a burning desire to start doing my AXL Rose impersonation all over again. The problem was that my family parties no longer provided an appropriate venue and audience for me. No, I realized that the only socially-acceptable place to perform the song "Welcome to the Jungle" was at...eureka!...

 

A karaoke bar.

 

This "karaoke bar" was a place called “Nappertandy's” in Norwood, Massachusetts. I went there with friends one night and we all had the intention of having some fun and getting a bit wacky with some karaoke. Little did my friends know that I wasn't there to have fun. I meant serious business. I may have acted all nonchalant when I got there, but I knew EXACTLY what song I was going to perform that night. With the help of a few beers in my blood for liquid courage, I told the Karaoke MC what I needed him to do:

 

"Hey, Charlie, I'm going to do a little intro before the song. So wait for me to point to you, and then start the song. Ya feel me?"

 

Karaoke MC Charlie had no problem with my request, though he did raise his eyebrows at me, just a tad. You could tell he thought I was a little strange if not very drunk. He still handed me the microphone, though, and that was when I gave the mic a tap. Then I said testing-one-two. And then I began my intro:

 

About 25 years ago, I came out of my mother's womb, right down the street at the Norwood Hospital. True story, that ain't no lie. Now, a lotta people can't remember their birthday, but I do. I remember my mom holding me in her arms and she had this menacing grin on her face. I looked up to her confused as to my surroundings and then she says to me she says:

 

You know where you are?!!!!!!!

 

At this point, I pointed at Maestro Charlie and the initial tasty licks for "Welcome to the Jungle" started echoing out of the PA speakers. Then I said, "Ooh myyy God" and began to howl like AXL Rose. Unfortunately, I hadn't quite gotten the howl down yet so I sounded more like the corny ghost moans you hear in those Halloween sound FX tapes.

My very first "Welcome to the Jungle" karaoke performance caught on tape:

To make up for my lack of singing talent, I integrated a lot of AXL-like dance moves into my performance. And when it came time to say "My...my...my serpentine" I did a lot of suggestive moaning and crotch-grabbing, which people found to be funny. Funny, yes, but maybe they were laughing AT me, not with me. I probably should have stuffed my crotch with a sock first to make things, you know, more visually interesting.

 

Well, the song eventually came to an end and everybody woo-hoo'd and applauded. I must say I was pretty surprised by how cathartic the whole performance was. I don't think I was really consciously aware of how badly I wanted to perform the song "Welcome to the Jungle" in front of a sizable audience. I felt like I had finally itched a scratch that was torturing me for years and years! It felt so damn good.

 

But I hadn't had enough.

 

My ultimate plan was to become known at the karaoke bar as "the guy who does 'Welcome to the Jungle'". This meant that I would go to do karaoke, almost every week, and only perform "Welcome to the Jungle". My friends weren't particularly fond of going to the karaoke bar every week, but, as luck would have it, I made two new friends one night while I was at the bar. They had seen my "Welcome to the Jungle" performance and they were girls and they were very sexy. They thought I was fun and they loved to do karaoke so, from that point on, I had two female buddies that I went to go do karaoke with for the next several months.

 

The more I did "Welcome to the Jungle" the better I became at it. I got AXL's voice down pretty well and I timed all my dance moves with the song almost perfectly. In fact, my routine became so good that I actually won a karaoke contest one night at the bar and then moved onto a larger karaoke contest that took place at another bar called Waxy O' Connors. I did not win this latter contest. I didn't even come close. Some girl won it. She actually had a good singing voice, but did she have an entertaining routine like I did? Nah, she just stood in place and sang Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” like a beautiful bird. Booooooooring.

 

Anyway, things did eventually get to a point where my heart was really no longer "in it" anymore. I was just going through the motions. I was a novelty act. A one-trick pony. I became known as the "guy who did welcome to the jungle" so I had accomplished what I set out to do, but, once I got the fame, I didn't want it anymore. Y'all could have it back, man.

 

Wait, what?

 

Okay, so I eventually retired "Welcome to the Jungle" and, to this day, I haven't yet resurrected the song or my routine, though lately I've been feeling the itch again. I've been feeling the itch because I've been listening to a lot of GNR lately. And I've been listening to a lot of GNR lately because...well, because the band's getting back together. Correction: they ARE back together. Currently. And they've even had a few concerts so far.

 

I would say I've never been happier that GNR is now currently touring, but, well, actually I have been happier. GNR getting back together isn't really that huge of a deal to me, especially seeing that they're still missing Izzy and Steven Adler. If the entire original line-up got back together—meaning the original five and nobody else—and they did an "Appetite" reunion tour with maybe some "Patience" thrown in there as well, and, okay, maybe even a few songs from "Use Your Illusion", THEN I would be pretty friggin' excited. That would make me very happy.

 

Who knows, maybe someday the original five will get back together, though I'm not sure Steven Adler is even fit to play the drums due to his coke-induced stroke. I think he is, though. I saw him on that "Celebrity Rehab" show. He was in a jam-band. He played decent drums. Yeah, he'd be OK onstage with the rest.

 

But, yes, almost 30 years have gone by and my relationship with GNR and "Appetite" has evolved on all sorts of levels. I must have heard the song "Welcome to the Jungle" about a zillion times, but it never gets old. Each time I listen to it, I'm taken back to the days where I was bouncing away on my trampoline—hairbrush in hand—singing along to the video on the MTV, all so I could nail my AXL Rose impression at the next family party.

 

"Hey, Nanny! You know where you are???!!!"

…

 

 

MATT BURNS is the author of several novels, including Weird Monster, Supermarket Zombies!, The Woman and the Dragon and Johnny Cruise. He’s also written numerous memoirs, including GARAGE MOVIE: My Adventures Making Weird Films, My Raging Case of Beastie Fever, Jungle F’ng Fever: My 30-Year Love Affair with Guns N’ Roses and I Turned into a Misfit! Check out these books (and many more) on his Amazon author page HERE.

 

 

Other trending articles by Matt Burns that may be of interest to you:

 

Film-related articles:

A Trip Down DVD Drive

 

WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER TURNS 25 (and it’s only gotten better)

 

NOT PLAYING IT SAFE: How Todd Haynes’ Film Was Used to ‘Deprogram’ Me and My Fellow Film Students

 

How I Got into the Films of John Cassavetes

 

If I May Say a Few Words About FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR

 

35 YEARS OF TURTLE POWER: A Tribute to 1990’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie

Revisiting the Blair Witch Project

My Childhood Obsession with Rambo

 

Video Store Memories

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Charlie (a story about Burns’ recurring nightmares featuring Charlie Chaplin)

 

Short memoirs/nostalgia:

CAPE CODDING IT: A Cape Cod Vacation Memoir

GREYHOUNDING IT, BABY! A Guide to taking a Greyhound Bus Long Distances

 

Visiting Mom in the ICU (short story contest winner)

 

A Love Letter to the Emerald Square Mall (about the death of the shopping mall age)

NEVER FORGET the Fun-O-Rama (a traveling carnival memoir)

Some Wicked Good Times: A Love Letter to Newbury Comics

Skateboarding in the 1990s

WAAF Goes Off the Air

Remembering That Time I Tried to Stop a Shoplifter at the Wrentham Outlets

The Strange, Surreal Moment of Being Called a DILF Inside a Panera Bread Restaurant on a Wednesday Afternoon

Weird Times en la Weirdioteca

 

Gaming/computers nostalgia:

 

RIP PowerBook G3

PROXOS IN THE PLEX: A Goldeneye 007 N64 Retrospective

 

100 DAYS of ZELDA: Revisiting Ocarina of Time

I Dream of Dream Machine (a memoir of the local video arcade)

 

I USED TO BE A GAMER: The 8-bit Nintendo Years

 

 

Writing Tips/Advice:

 

THE AUDIO BOOK EXPERIMENT: Tips and Advice on How to Record Your First Audio Book

Getting Your Novel Done

 

Making Your Good Writing Great

Getting Your Screenplay Done

 

Writing the Sequel

 

Writing the Trilogy

No-No, Learn to Love the Rejection: Some Sage Advice for Writers in Search of an Agent or Publisher

 

The Story Behind Supermarket Zombies!

The Story Behind The Woman and the Dragon