The Burnzo Diaries: BOGGLED BY THE BELL: How I tried to write an episode of Saved by the Bell and ultimately failed

I’m not totally sure I ever watched Saved by the Bell until it was in reruns. It’s possible that I watched it sometimes on Saturday mornings, but even by that point it may have been reruns. What I do know for sure is that most of my watching of Saved by the Bell occurred in the later 1990s when it aired as reruns on TBS.

Remember TBS? Ok, TBS still exists, so I’m sure you remember it, but remember when it showed reruns of TV shows in the afternoons and, for some reason, the shows began five minutes after the hour instead of right on the hour like most normal shows started? What I’m saying is that Saved by the Bell started at 5:05 in the afternoon and then another episode aired at 5:35 in the afternoon.

For years, I never knew why TBS did this, but I just looked it up and apparently this was known as “Turner Time.” Ted Turner, founder of TBS, basically thought it was good to give people five extra minutes to get to the couch and figure out what they wanted to watch. He figured a lot of people sat down, started watching a show that began at the top of the hour, maybe didn’t like it, and then surfed through channels to find something better. If they ended up on TBS within the first five minutes, they would basically arrive at the channel right as a show was about to begin (instead of arriving five minutes late to the show).[I]

The TBS afternoon lineup in the mid-1990s.

Anyway, there was a period of several years in the mid-to-late-1990s when I would watch Saved by the Bellbefore dinner, usually during the 5:05-6:05 time slot. This was when I got most of my exposure to the show and I eventually got to a point where I saw every single Saved by the Bell episode ever made.

Now, I could bore you with all my theories that could explain why I actually liked Saved by the Bell, but the fact of the matter is that nobody can really explain why the show was so popular. The closest they get to an explanation is that it’s “comfort food,” a safe, colorful and, yes, predictable world to escape to with fun characters. A world where every conflict gets resolved within about 25 minutes. A world where Zack Morris constantly falls prey to life’s temptations but always does the right thing in the end. A world where we can always depend on Screech to do or say something ridiculous to make us laugh. A world where the beautiful, all-American “girl next door” (Kelly Kapowski) is actually a nice person and also dateable. A world where friendship is central.

In one word, Saved by the Bell is simple. And people like simple.

But is it really as simple as it seems?

Well, I for one always thought the show WAS simple. And even cheesy. Only recently, however, I started to change my tune on this.

See, during a recent hunt for used DVDs, I found and purchased a super-cheap used copy of Saved by the Bell, the complete series DVD set. It had been several years since I had watched the show, so I thought I would watch a few episodes.

A “few episodes” turned into a few more episodes. And then a few more episodes. And a few more. Soon, I pretty much watched every single episode (except for the Malibu ones with Stacey Carosi, which I never really liked, nothing against Stacey or Leah Remini who played her).

The Saved by the Bell complete series DVD box set.

What surprised me the most when I revisited the show was how much I actually still liked it. Yes, there was the nostalgic aspect and maybe the “comfort food” aspect, but I was surprised by how funny the show actually is.

Dustin Diamond (Screech) is genuinely funny. I think when I was younger I mostly just saw him as some goofball geek character, but, as an adult, I find myself better appreciating his comedic talent. I think he got funnier the longer the show went on. In fact, I think he was perhaps at his funniest in the latest seasons, like when he’s using a book to learn how to pick up girls in Palm Springs, or when he falls for Tori in the very last season and asks her over for dinner at his house:

TORI: But, Screech, you’re not my boyf—

SCREECH: Tut-tut-tut. Shh! We’ll discuss while we dine. I hope you like Brussels sprouts.

Screech Powers played by Dustin Diamond.

Screech when he and the gang snuck into Club Attic.

Then there was that one episode when Kelly becomes a teen model, enters a modeling competition and wins a trip to Paris. In one scene, Screech and the gang ask Kelly if she wants to go to The Max for a little sendoff party. Screech then has a line that, for some reason, I find to be hilarious, mostly because of how he delivers it:

SCREECH: Yeah, in honor of your trip to France, we were all gonna eat some pizza.

The best of Screech Powers.

Mr. Belding is genuinely funny, too. One Belding scene that I always think of is when Screech is trying to create a diversion for whatever reason (probably as part of Zack’s schemes), runs to Mr. Belding and says:

SCREECH: Mr. Belding, come quick! Somebody poisoned the chess team.

BELDING: It’s a sick world.

Yeah, that line always gets me for some reason, especially the way he delivers it.

And then there’s the episode when Belding is talking to an Air Force UFO investigator in his office. During the meeting, a secretary calls for Belding over the school intercom and says:

SECRETARY: Mr. Belding, please report to the gym. The water polo team has a horse in the pool again.

Mr. Belding then says to the investigator before excusing himself:

BELDING: Kids love horseplay. Ha-ha-ha! [laughs his signature, high-pitched laugh]

That line always gets me, too.

Mr. Belding (Dennis Haskins) doing his signature laugh.

This still is from the episode "Breaking Up is Hard to Undo."

A lot of the guest stars were really funny as well. Remember James in The Haaaaahvard episode? He is the aspiring actor who works as a waiter at The Max. Zack and the gang recruit him to play a representative from Harvard at the college fair. He sets up a table next to “Stansbury” University (a fictional stand-in for Stanford) and starts raving about how wonderful Jessie Spano is despite her subpar SAT score. Stansbury suddenly gets interested in Jessie after turning their nose up at her before. If Haaaaaaahvard wants her, then they do, too.

James (Mark Blankfield) representing Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahvard.

Although the actors playing these characters (Dustin Diamond as Screech, Dennis Haskins as Mr. Belding and Mark Blankfield as James) are clearly very talented, it’s important that they don’t get ALL the credit for the comedy. While watching the show in 2026, I really began to appreciate the writing of the shows. Yes, you need good actors to act out the physical comedy and deliver the comedic lines, but you also need good writers to actually write the lines and come up with the comedic bits.

This was when I had my revelation. I always thought Saved by the Bell was so simple and so cheesy and for this reason I always assumed that it would have been easy to write an episode of the show. Heck, I thought you could practically sneeze and an episode would come out of your nose. Right?

Maybe … not …

What I started to realize while rewatching the show in 2026, especially since I then had some writing experience under my belt, was that writing an episode of Saved by the Bell was probably more difficult than I would have thought.

But I wasn’t sure. Heck, maybe it WAS a breeze to write an episode. I wanted to find out for myself, though.

That’s right: I wanted to try writing an episode of Saved by the Bell.

So that’s exactly what I did. I wanted to pretend that I was a TV writer in the early 1990s and I had to write an episode of Saved by the Bell. Not a revamped 2026 version of Saved by the Bell, mind you. But just an ordinary episode of Saved by the Bell that could nicely fit in with all the other Saved by the Bell episodes that were made back when the show was in its heyday.

At first, I thought this writing exercise would be a ton of fun, mainly because the show is so fun. But I was wrong. Not only was writing an episode of Saved by the Bell more difficult than I thought, but it was also so much more stressful than I ever would have imagined.

Let me start from the beginning. The initial blank page.

First off, I needed to come up with a premise for the episode. This took a while, especially since most of the ideas I came up with had already been done before. Finally, during a walk, I came up with a semi-unique idea that I decided to go with. The episode would be called “The Switch” where Zack and Screech switch bodies and Zack is forced to experience life through the perspective of Screech. After being treated like a dork, a dweeb and a geek for about 24 hours, Zack realizes how mean he has been to Screech over the years, how he uses him and calls him a geek all the time, and realizes he should be treating Screech with more respect.

Was this too deep of an episode for Saved by the Bell, a show for tweens that usually aired on Saturday mornings after cartoons? Maybe, but I decided to go with it anyway. It was a fairly interesting premise, albeit not completely novel since it would basically be like Freaky Friday. However, there was a good moral lesson that Zack learned by the end. I thought I could picture it as a real episode of Saved by the Bell that would feasibly air on a Saturday morning in the early 1990s.

So I started writing the episode. And it started out pretty good. The episode opened with Zack and Screech working on a science fair project in Screech’s science-lab-like bedroom. Well, Screech is actually the one doing all the work. Zack is relaxing on Screech’s bed, reading a car magazine and listening to a Walkman.

Picture the opening scene taking place in this bedroom.

Screech says:

SCREECH

Hey Zack, I was wondering … since this is supposed to be a group project, maybe we should be working as a group?

ZACK

Oh, well, that’s a fair point, Screech, but you’re so smart you don’t need my help. In fact, I’d just be weighing you down. So I’m actually doing you a favor by letting you do all the work.

SCREECH

Gee, Zack, never thought about it like that. That’s really nice of you.

ZACK

Hey, what are friends for?

Screech eventually finishes the project and Zack checks out his work:

ZACK

(looking over the project)

Wow, great job, Screech!

SCREECH

Thanks, Zack.

ZACK

What is it?

Audience laughter.

SCREECH

It’s a body swapper.

ZACK

A what?

SCREECH

I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, Zack, but it’s been a little difficult for me to get a date.

ZACK

You don’t say?

SCREECH

It’s true. Zack, this may come as a surprise to you, but all of the girls in our school think I’m a geek.

ZACK

No … really? Haven’t noticed.

SCREECH

Well, my invention would allow a geek like me to swap bodies with somebody girls actually like.

ZACK is intrigued. We can see the gears and wheels turning in his head.

ZACK

You mean, like a movie star or something?

SCREECH

I was thinking more along the lines of Albert Einstein.

ZACK

To each their own.

ZACK takes a closer look at the “body swapper.”

ZACK (CONT’D)

Wait, are you telling me I could switch bodies with somebody like Tom Cruise?

SCREECH

Potentially. But why would you want to do that? You can score a date with pretty much any girl at Bayside.

ZACK’s gears and wheels are REALLY turning now. He turns to the camera and breaks the fourth wall.

ZACK

(speaking to the audience)

Yeah, but if I was Tom Cruise, I could get any girl in the world.

Then he turns back to SCREECH.

ZACK (CONT’D)

Tell me how this thing works, Screech.

Screech does show Zack how to use the machine, but of course it doesn’t work as planned, there is a big chemical-like explosion, Screech and Zack emerge from the toxic smoke, both in a daze. Zack is ticked off, calls Screech an idiot, then basically orders Screech to fix the machine by morning. Then Zack goes home and gets some sleep.

The next morning …

Zack gets out of bed, walks by a mirror, catches a glimpse of himself, backtracks, takes a good look in the mirror and realizes he is in the body of …

Screech!

We cut to Bayside High now. Screech (really Zack) walks through the hallway, looking dazed and confused. He notices that all the girls are making dirty faces at him, as though he is a walking fungal disease, and he heads to his locker.

He opens his locker to get his books for the day and this is when KELLY KAPOWSKI walks by.

SCREECH

Hey Kelly, we still on for the movies tonight?

KELLY

Hm? What are you talking about?

SCREECH

You know, the movies?

KELLY

Sorry, Screech, I’m going with Zack tonight.

SCREECH

But I am Z—

He stops short.

SCREECH (CONT’D)

Never mind.

KELLY

Have you seen Zack, by the way?

SCREECH

Um … no, haven’t seen him.

KELLY smiles at him and keeps walking, disappears around a corner.

SCREECH (CONT’D)

(to himself)

What the heck is going on here?

One of the HOT GIRL EXTRAS we always see in most of the episodes (maybe GINGER?), walks by.

SCREECH (CONT’D)

Hey Ginger! How’s it going?

GINGER

Get lost, creep!

And she keeps walking.

SCREECH turns into the camera, again breaking the fourth wall, and says …

SCREECH

It’s true. I’m Screech!

Meanwhile everybody is treating the actual Screech like Bayside royalty because he’s in Zack’s body. While Zack is horrified that he’s in Screech’s body, Screech actually LOVES being in Zack’s body. He’s suddenly big man on Bayside campus and girls look at him in a completely different way. More importantly, he realizes that this is his one shot to win over the love of his life: Lisa Turtle.

“Screech” pulls “Zack” aside in the Bayside hallway …

SCREECH

Hey … uh … Zack, can I talk to you for a second?

ZACK turns and sees who it is.

ZACK

Uh … oh.

SCREECH

Are you in there, Screech? Cuz I’m in you.

ZACK

I … I don’t know what you’re talking about.

SCREECH

It is you, isn’t it? I can tell by the way you’re talking.

ZACK

Ok, yes. It’s me.

SCREECH

Don’t you see what happened? We switched bodies!

ZACK

I guess we did.

SCREECH

It was that stupid machine of yours!

SCREECH goes to strangle ZACK but stops midair.

ZACK

Don’t be mad, Zack. This wasn’t my plan. I wanted to be in Albert Einstein’s body, remember!

SCREECH

Well, come on, we gotta try and switch back!

ZACK

I can’t do that!

SCREECH

What do you mean you can’t do that? We’re in the wrong bodies!

ZACK

Just give me 24 hours! This is my only shot at Lisa! Please, Zack, I’m never going to ask you for anything again!

SCREECH

But this is ridiculous. Lisa’s going to think I have the hots for her. Kelly’s going to think I’m dumping her for Lisa!

ZACK

I’ll tell Lisa what happened tomorrow—I swear. I’ll clear it all up. I just want one date with her. It’s been my dream ever since kindergarten—you know that.

SCREECH rolls his eyes.

SCREECH

All right. Fine. 24 hours!

That’s the basic setup for the episode and that’s basically all I ended up writing until I hit a wall of writer’s block that felt insurmountable. I knew that the episode was either going to end with Zack waking up from a bad dream, which of course is a bit cliché, or end with Zack and Screech back in Screech’s bedroom after the chemical explosion, the switch never happened, but it was all a strange hallucination that taught Zack he needed to treat Screech with more respect.

So, yes, I had the set-up, the ending, but the middle was the tough part. That’s where I ran into big trouble. I had about ten pages of setup, maybe two or three pages of an ending, but I needed about 12 or 13 pages of a middle-section. I guess you would call it “the second act.” Is that what it’s called in TV? Sorry, I’m more familiar with writing feature screenplays (sniff of the nose). But that’s where I was hitting the wall. In the second act.

I did have a scene that takes place in The Max where Zack (really Screech) asks Lisa to the movies. Lisa, of course, finds this completely confusing. Why did “Zack” all of a sudden want to date her? And this creates a conflict with Kelly who is dating Zack. Why is Zack suddenly into Lisa and completely ignoring me?

That Max scene was slightly interesting, but I ultimately didn’t know where it was going and generally didn’t know where the rest of the second act was going, either.

The other big problem I was encountering that I never would have thought would be a problem unless I actually wrote an episode myself was trying to find a role and a purpose for every single main character in the show. I mean, my episode mainly involves Zack, Screech, Lisa and, to some degree, Kelly, but how do Slater and Jessie fit into the picture? You can’t just suddenly not have those characters appear in this particular episode. But I had trouble even coming up with one or two lines for them and even those lines felt forced.

And then there was Mr. Belding. Any Saved by the Bell episode taking place at Bayside needed to have Belding involved or it would just feel weird. Saved by the Bell did have episodes without Belding, but those were usually episodes that took place in a mall or in Palm Springs or at the Malibu beach club. If the episode took place at Bayside, the episode NEEDED to have Mr. Belding in it.

But, like with Jessie and Slater, I had trouble writing Belding into the episode without it feeling shoehorned in. I was tempted to simply have him come out of nowhere and say, “Hey-hey-hey, what is going on here?” just for the hell of it, but I suppose, if I did, I needed to have a reason for him to do this that felt fresh. I guess I could have had Screech (really Zack) putting Zack (really Screech) in a headlock or something, bullying him into reversing the body switch, then have Belding come up and do the whole “Hey-hey-hey” thing. Maybe that would have worked, but the Belding catchphrase ultimately felt too easy. Too predictable.

"Hey-hey-hey, what is going on here?" highlight reel.

I guess what I probably needed was some kind of B story for these supporting characters; you know, a subplot. I tried to think of one but came up dry. B stories can’t just be tacked on. They are in the background but also somewhat part of the A story. Maybe if Jessie and Slater had some sort of debate amongst each other about which gender was superior? Maybe Jessie would insist that, if they switched gender roles, Slater would never survive a day in her shoes, something like that? This would at least fit in with the whole “body switch” theme.

As for Belding’s B story? I don’t know. All right, now that I think of it, maybe if I had him say “hey-hey-hey” at some point I’d be done with him for the episode. But his character is so good I would need to come up with something better than that!

Ugh. Anyway, I eventually got to a point where I got tired of trying to write an episode of Saved by the Belland gave up doing so. What I thought would be a fun writing exercise had turned into a tedious chore. I needed things to happen in a second act, but I didn’t know what those things should be. I knew I needed Zack to gradually learn to treat Screech with more respect, but I didn’t know what “beats” (i.e. events) needed to take place to gradually get Zack to have this epiphany. Yes, I needed more scenes but not too many scenes before I got to the ending where we find out it’s all a bad dream (or hallucination). Everything has to be resolved in about 24 pages or so (the standard length for a Saved by the Bell episode, which translates to about 24 minutes of show time, leaving room for commercials), so the arc of Zack learning he needs to treat Screech with respect must happen fast but not feel too fast.

Then, there’s the whole matter of having mini-cliffhangers before each commercial break. You know, there needs to be a cliffhanging beat before commercial break one. Maybe this would be when Zack agrees to the 24 hours or maybe even earlier when he finds out he’s definitely in Screech’s body. And then there would have to be one more cliffhanger beat before the second commercial break (I have no idea what this would be).

In other words, writing a “simple” episode of Saved by the Bell is ironically much more complicated to pull off than you would think.

It was a fun experiment, trying to write the show, but I think I just prefer to go back to being ignorant me, watching the show and not worrying about how the writers managed to write a staggering 86 episodes over the course of four seasons. Although I have a whole new appreciation of how the series came into existence, I also prefer to preserve its illusion of simplicity. It was the simplicity that always drew me to the show and makes me revisit the show time and time again, apparently even far into my adulthood.

Thus, from this point forward, I will forget about this writing experiment that I found to be overwhelming. I am 1990s Matt again. Watching the show as a passive observer. Not a care in the world regarding how it was made and what effort went into all of it.

Oh, and I also still think Kelly Kapowski is dateable.

…

MATT BURNS is the author of several novels, including Weird Monster, Supermarket Zombies!, The Woman and the Dragon and Johnny Cruise. He’s also written numerous memoirs, including GARAGE MOVIE: My Adventures Making Weird Films, Lymey Bastard, My Raging Case of Beastie Fever, Jungle F’ng Fever: My 30-Year Love Affair with Guns N’ Roses, Bostonwood and I Turned into a Misfit! Check out these books (and many more) on his Amazon author page HERE.