Check out some of my new works of fiction that are all currently available on Amazon.com as Kindle books! Read the blurbs and see if any pique your interest. WEIRD MONSTER (books 1-4) is great for anybody who loves VHS movies and feels like going back in time to the 1980s. I AM SANTA is great for anybody who loves Christmas. BLOWTORTURE is a super-dark Hollywood novel about a narcissistic psychopath with a worldview we can somewhat sympathize with. WHAT IF WORLD is funny and surreal, a story for anybody who wonders what their life would be like if only they had done “this or that” differently. Then there is the dark vigilante thriller THE HARVEST with lots of ass-kicking but deep stuff, too. SUPERMARKET ZOMBIES! is outrageous, tons of fun and very punk, for anybody who likes zombies and skateboarding! And don’t forget my dark tragicomedy Hollywood novel JOHNNY CRUISE or my Biblical epic THE WOMAN AND THE DRAGON.
But go ahead and read the blurbs. In the words of LeVar Burton who used to host Reading Rainbow, “You don’t have to take my word for it.”
Meet Brian and Mikey: two social outcast teens desperate for popularity and girlfriends. They’ve discovered a magic VCR that enables them to pull their favorite movie star, Johnny Cruise, out of the movies and into the real world. With a famous movie star as their new best friend, Brian and Mikey are convinced they can become the most popular kids in high school and win over the girls of their dreams.
But Johnny turns out to be more a product of the movie world and has difficulty adjusting to reality. He constantly slips in and out of movie roles, speaks in cinematic clichés and tries to initiate fight, chase and montage sequences wherever he goes. It's not long before Brian and Mikey realize they've created a weird kind of monster who might hurt or even kill someone…including themselves.
What price are these two socially-awkward teens willing to pay so they can become the biggest men on high school campus? THE ULTIMATE PRICE?!
If you like the 1980s and John Hughes-esque teen movies, then you will love WEIRD MONSTER. This novel is fun. It’s nostalgic. It’s adventurous. And it's perhaps one of the weirdest monster stories ever told!
WEIRD MONSTERS (Weird Monster 2)
Finally, it’s the much-awaited sequel every fan of the original WEIRD MONSTER has been waiting for!
Brian and Mikey are back and, this time, they aren’t the ones pulling movie stars out of VHS tapes. They’ve been pulled out of their own VHS movie that they never even knew they were in.
And now they’re stuck in the real world.
The problem is that the magic VCR (i.e. M-VHS) used to pull them out apparently doesn’t have the ability to send them back in. So Brian and Mikey seek out their creator—Matt Burns—the writer and director of WEIRD MONSTER, to help send them back. Matt Burns, after all, is their “God.” If anybody can help get them home, it’s him.
Or can he? After all, when Matt Burns created Mikey, Brian and their world, he thought he was just "making stuff up."
Fans of the original WEIRD MONSTER will love this second installment of the series. The story is deeper, more “meta” but just as fun as the original.
In this third installment of the WEIRD MONSTER series, Brian and Mikey are back in their rightful movie world and things seem to have settled down in their lives. At least for a few minutes.
The problem is that star high school quarterback Gregory Stern has gotten his hands on the M-VHS and has sold it to the Russians for millions of dollars. Now Russian scientists are using the magical VCR to pull Johnny Cruise supervillain “Exterminator Cop” out of the movie world and into the real world. They then plan on turning the killer cyborg into the ultimate assassin.
After a spy informs them of Russia’s new weapon, the US government fears they’ll lose the arms race with their global rival. They recruit Brian and Mikey to go to a secret underground military base called Area 15 where the two misfit teens will help the US military create an M-VHS of their own.
It’s not long, however, before Brian and Mikey realize that helping their government build an M-VHS may not be as good of an idea as they initially thought.
WEIRD MONSTER 3 is perhaps the most ambitious installment of the series so far. It feels like a summer blockbuster with broader comedy, countless twists and non-stop fun!
This is the surprise fourth installment of the WEIRD MONSTER series nobody saw coming!
There’s trouble in the “real world.” Due to a loophole in his contract, Matt Burns has lost control of the WEIRD MONSTER franchise to the profit-hungry Worldwide Studios. Worldwide producer Gavin Paulson is now overseeing the development of the WEIRD MONSTER series and he has plans of turning the valuable intellectual property into a TV or streaming series.
Gavin, however, no longer wants Brian and Mikey to be the stars of WEIRD MONSTER. He wants to kill them off and completely revamp the series storyline in a way that will appeal to an even larger audience.
Can Matt somehow regain control of the WEIRD MONSTER franchise from Worldwide Studios before Brian and Mikey are completely erased from their VHS … um, that is … their world?
WEIRD MONSTER 4 is one of the best installments of the WEIRD MONSTER series. It’s more meta, more emotional, more philosophical but, of course, just as fun as its predecessors.
Nick Cole is a down and out screenwriter, 40 years old, living in his mom’s basement and drowning in credit card debt. He is on the verge of giving up his dream of becoming a successful screenwriter altogether, but he puts the last of his hopes into one important pitch meeting with bigtime Hollywood producer Ted Richmond. The pitch is for Nick’s Christmas-themed screenplay called I Am Santa, about a man who experiences a midlife crisis and decides to become Santa Claus.
Richmond, however, ultimately passes on the project and Nick now knows success as a screenwriter simply isn’t happening for him. Thus ensues a midlife crisis much like the character in his screenplay and Nick impulsively decides to go to the North Pole and ... well …
Become Santa Claus!
I Am Santa is Matt Burns’ most imaginative novel yet. It’s fun and adventurous but also heart-warming and romantic. This novel is a must-read for any lover of Christmas who is looking to fill themselves with the Christmas spirit during the holiday season or really during any time of the year!
David Larkin is a 40-year-old wedding videographer by day and struggling novelist by night. He is poor, lives in a run-down apartment in the bad part of town, drinks too much and wastes almost all of his money at the local strip club. No, it’s not the life he envisioned when he was younger, but he doesn’t see himself as a victim. He knows that all the bad decisions he has made in his life are to blame for his current state of affairs.
One day, however, Dave returns to his old high school to vote in a town election. After voting, he wanders upstairs, finds his old locker, dials in his old locker combination and discovers that his old high school locker is seemingly a portal to an alternative universe where every bad decision he made in his life …
Has been reversed!
But is this “What if World” actually as great as Dave imagined it to be???
What If World is a funny but profound fantasy novel that is for anybody who has ever wondered what their life would be like if they had only done 'this or that' differently.
Harvey O’Shea is a 40-year-old Catholic priest experiencing a crisis of faith. His city is ridden with crime due to a defunded police department and a corrupt justice system. Although Harvey has prayed to God for justice, it seems like all his prayers have fallen on deaf ears.
Now he feels like it may be time to take matters into his own hands.
See, Harvey is not just your average Catholic priest. Before he entered the priesthood, he was a United States Marine. But not just your average Marine, either. No, Harvey was part of an elite special operations team named “The Reapers” responsible for taking out some of the most dangerous terrorists on the planet.
Given his military background, Harvey feels he is uniquely qualified to bring justice to all the criminal scum in his city. Yes, he feels it’s time to stop praying and start taking action. It’s time for all the wicked men to reap what they have sown. It’s time for …
The Harvest.
The Harvest is perhaps one of Matt Burns’ most “faith-based” novels yet. The novel explores the fine line between faith and passivity and how it’s often so difficult to know when the former is turning into the latter.
Adonis White used to be one of the biggest child stars in Hollywood, but an accident on a movie set severely burned his face, deformed him beyond recognition and ended his career, pretty much overnight. While most people would see such a horrible accident as a curse, Adonis saw it as a blessing, because it opened his eyes to the conditional love that pervades Hollywood and how superficial the town really is. Now, with the help of his trusty blowtorch, he’s on a mission to spread this blessing to others.
Blowtorture is a story of utter horror that is bound to shock the literary world. It's gory in parts, profound in others, darkly comic throughout, and deeply, deeply psychological. This is the story of a very disturbed but fascinating psycho. This is the story of Adonis.
Skater-punk Lincoln (aka Link) Knowles just got a job as a cashier at AmeriMart. Little does he know, however, that the monstrous supermarket is about to make a deal with a voodoo priest to acquire a group of zombie slaves who'll work long hours and for no pay.
Link thinks he’s going nuts when he gets his first glimpse of these brain-hungry zombies bagging groceries for him at his checkout, but it’s not long before other AmeriMart associates start turning into zombies as well. Soon, Link finds himself engaged in an epic battle with an entire supermarket full of zombies. Can he keep his brain from getting eaten and his punker spirit alive?!
What some may describe as a love letter to skateboarding, punk music and zombie movies, SUPERMARKET ZOMBIES! is Matt Burns’ funniest novel to date. Fun, gory, subversive and even philosophical, SUPERMARKET ZOMBIES! is an entertaining read for everyone, whether you’re a punk...or a monk.
Matt Burns' debut novel JOHNNY CRUISE is a contemporary Jekyll-and-Hyde tale about a famous movie star who's at war with his abusive public persona, which has LITERALLY taken on a life of its own.
John Cruise (the person) stays secluded inside his mansion high up in the Hollywood Hills while Johnny (the persona) leaves the mansion and does all the movies, premieres, press events, charity events, interviews and talk show appearances. John desperately wants to leave the house and show the public the REAL him, but Johnny abusively makes him stay inside, warning him that the public won't like what it sees and his career will be ruined.
Burns cleverly weaves dark humor into this dark portrait of an extremely insecure man who'll do anything to look good - or at least stay - in the public eye. Even if it means killing off his real self in the process.
JOHNNY CRUISE is a must-read for anybody interested in America's celebrity culture, the dark side of Hollywood, and - more generally - the dark side of the American dream. The novel is, in many ways, a 21st-century successor to such classic American novels as Hunter Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegasand Nathanael West's The Day of the Locust.
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THE WOMAN AND THE DRAGON is loosely based on Chapter 12 in the Holy Bible's Book of Revelation. It is a story about the timeless struggle between good and evil and how the latter can so easily take on the guise of the former.
In the kingdom of heaven, God has announced that Jesus will miraculously be born to a virgin Mary, save the world from sin and then help rule heaven and earth at God's right hand. The Archangel Lucifer, heaven's fairest of angels, believes God is foolish for depending on a weak mortal to save the sinning world. Lucifer launches a revolution in heaven to overthrow the reckless God, but he loses this war and is cast unto the earth. Banished from heaven, Lucifer is all the more determined to thwart God's plans with Jesus, for the fallen angel is convinced the Virgin Mary's son will only misguide Man more than he already is...
But are good intentions driving Lucifer's quest to stop Jesus? Or is he driven by envy?
Not since Milton's Paradise Lost has there been such a complex portrait of the devil exposing how the fallen angel tries to manipulate and deceive us in the most insidious of ways. Burns cleverly weaves a subtle sense of humor into the profound and, at times, dark tale that is THE WOMAN AND THE DRAGON. This is a must-read for both the religious and the non-religious.
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MATT BURNS is the author of several novels, including Weird Monster, Supermarket Zombies!, The Woman and the Dragon and Johnny Cruise. He’s also written numerous memoirs, including GARAGE MOVIE: My Adventures Making Weird Films, My Raging Case of Beastie Fever, Jungle F’ng Fever: My 30-Year Love Affair with Guns N’ Roses and I Turned into a Misfit! Check out these books (and many more) on his Amazon author page HERE.
Other trending articles by Matt Burns that may be of interest to you:
CAPE CODDING IT: A Cape Cod Vacation Memoir
Visiting Mom in the ICU (short story contest winner)
How I Got into the Films of John Cassavetes
If I May Say a Few Words About FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR
35 YEARS OF TURTLE POWER: A Tribute to 1990’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie
Revisiting the Blair Witch Project
PROXOS IN THE PLEX: A Goldeneye 007 N64 Retrospective
100 DAYS of ZELDA: Revisiting Ocarina of Time
A Love Letter to the Emerald Square Mall (about the death of the shopping mall age)
NEVER FORGET the Fun-O-Rama (a traveling carnival memoir)
Some Wicked Good Times: A Love Letter to Newbury Comics
I Dream of Dream Machine (a memoir of the local video arcade)
My Childhood Obsession with Rambo
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Charlie (a story about Burns’ recurring nightmares featuring Charlie Chaplin)
I USED TO BE A GAMER: The 8-bit Nintendo Years
Remembering That Time I Tried to Stop a Shoplifter at the Wrentham Outlets
THE AUDIO BOOK EXPERIMENT: Tips and Advice on How to Record Your First Audio Book
Making Your Good Writing Great
No-No, Learn to Love the Rejection: Some Sage Advice for Writers in Search of an Agent or Publisher
The Story Behind Supermarket Zombies!
