O TERRIBLE! (excerpt)

The following is an excerpt from my new book entitled O TERRIBLE! This is a story about how failure and unhappiness can sometimes be essential to the growth of the human spirit. In a place like America where everybody is after financial success, spiritual growth has been hindered, if not stopped completely.



O TERRIBLE!
by Matt Burns


ONE
She hovered down the long, white tunnel wearing a long, cute dress that she manifested to look like the one she used to love wearing. It was a black evening gown from Sak’s Fifth Avenue and she had worn it the night she was awarded her Pulitzer Prize at Columbia University. It represented a pinnacle in her life, one of the best nights she had ever had. A time when she was at her happiest. A time when she felt the most loved.

Her ankles and feet were visible at the bottom of her dress, but unnecessary. For a person who could virtually be anywhere at any time (within level three and below, that is), space and time were no longer a factor for her, thus rendering her feet sheer decoration possessing no practical use whatsoever. After all, she was merely energy and only as physical as she wished to represent herself. And seeing that it had only been a handful of years since she’d been on the “other side”, she was still used to thinking about her “self” in the way in which it was represented during her time on earth: that is, as a physical entity. However, once she got her wings and ascended to the higher astral planes, she would no longer feel the need to represent herself in this way. She would more than likely be represented as...well, NOTHING - maybe an orb, if anything. But most of the ascended masters on the higher vibrations didn’t represent themselves as anything at all. They were just energy. The higher one got on the astral planes, the more detached they were from their human existence. In their minds, human form was merely one possible way of representing oneself...not THE way.

But, yes, for now, Lillian was still representing herself as a form very closely resembling the way in which she looked during her time on earth - well, during her prime, that is. After all, who wanted to represent themselves as an old prune? Not Lillian. No, she was adamant about manifesting herself to be in her 30s, when she was young and beautiful, with long curly brown hair and eyes as green as a lawn in May. Her most distinguished feature was her lips because they always seemed to be puckered (even when they were completely relaxed). In fact, it was her lips that rendered her “cute” down on earth, and it was usually what would attract the men to her.

Lillian hovered further down the long, white ‘hall’ (call it what you will, as there was not a word that could describe it) and she listened to the beautiful angelic hummings emanating from the higher levels. It reminded her of being in a department store back on earth, where the music would be playing lightly over the intercom. But instead of banal, top-40 hits and one-hit wonders, these were the sounds of highly evolved musical spirits composing harmonies and melodies that were way ahead of anything that was happening on earth. One of these spirits would eventually volunteer for human existence and become the next Janis Joplin or Jimi Hendrix or Curt Cobain or Michael Jackson.

In fact, everywhere she went there was always word of new and fantastic arts/sciences being developed on the upper planes, all with the intention of eventually bringing them down to earth. They were supposedly the next Einsteins and Picassos and Bachs. The latter-day Socrates’ and Nietzsche’s and Shakespeares and Chekhovs. Their time on earth was imminent. New and exciting things were always on the horizon. There was a tremendous energy in the spiritual dimension. Creativity mattered so much more up there than she remembered it mattering while she was on earth. All people seemed to be concerned about on earth was money, and success, and fame. In the spiritual dimension, it was the exact opposite.

In fact, each day that passed, Lillian would find herself saying, “Oh, so that’s what it’s all about.” It was the expansion of her consciousness. Her gradual escape from the mind. Her baby-stepped departure from the earth’s vibration and preparation to ascend to the higher astral levels. She progressed a little bit more and more everyday. But she would be the first one to admit that she was still very much trapped within the human consciousness. It was a prison that was very difficult to escape.

Lillian would often fantasize about having her wings and ascending into the higher levels, but the fantasy itself only proved she was very far off from actually getting her wings. This was because the fantasy was very “human” in nature, as it involved popularity, power, envy and other man-made values. Essentially, she would envision herself flying high above New York City where every human being on the ground would look up and envy her for having wings. She was so popular and powerful up there. She was the queen of New York. And everybody loved her.

On one hand, Lillian knew that this silly little fantasy meant she still cared too much about what Man thought of her. After all, ‘Man’ was no longer relevant where she was. It was God she needed to please, not Man. But, still, she wasn’t yet at the point where she could rewire her mind differently. It was a very difficult mindset to shake. She still wanted to be loved by Man, perhaps even more than she cared about being loved by God. She didn’t want to admit it, but it was true.


TWO
Lillian started focusing her mind on the Archangels long and hard...thinking and thinking about nothing but them. Soon, she felt herself in the midst of a tremendous energy, which she soon identified as Gabriel, one of the Archangels that was operating on the vibration closest to God. She wondered how it felt to be that high in vibration and was somewhat depressed to realize she would never be there. The Archangels, after all, were of a breed of their own and were never manifested as human beings. Their energy was on a vibration way higher than what was on any of the seven astral planes.

No, the closest Lillian could ever get to Gabriel’s vibration was if she became an ascended master on the seventh level, but even THAT was far off for her. It would be a while before she would get there and would more than likely have to experience human manifestation several more times. Souls that were up for their ascended mastership had some incredibly grueling contracts to fulfill during their time on earth. Some of the contracts were so darn difficult it was a wonder how anybody ever fulfilled them. Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Confucius, Mary Magdalen (yes, Jesus’ wife)...these were just SOME of the ascended masters that once graced the earth with their presence.

“State your business,” said Gabriel, now slowly manifesting himself in a human form with no distinct characteristics. The Archangels would often lower themselves in vibration so as to communicate more easily with the lower-level spirits. This meant appearing to Lillian in a shape she was more familiar with.

“I need to speak with God.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No.”

“Well, you’re going to have to make one. He’s extremely busy.”

“Please, it’s very important that I speak with him.”
Gabriel’s energy glowed for a moment without saying anything at all.

"Please," Lillian repeated.
“One moment,” said the Archangel. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Gabriel glowed in silence and took a few seconds to communicate with God strictly by means of telepathically sending energy back and forth. This was the common means of communication in the higher levels. There was no verbalization of words. It was all just energy and feeling.

“OK, He’ll see you,” said Gabriel. “Come into my energy.”

Gabriel’s energy oozed out of its human shape and then transformed from a gooey ectoplasm to a blue ball of light. Although she felt nothing but warmth and comfort and peace and love from the light, Lillian still feared it, mainly because it was still all a giant mystery to her. She never believed in any of this stuff while she was a human and she still had trouble believing in all of it now, even though it was right there before her very eyes.

“It’s OK. Don’t be afraid,” said Gabriel with a deep warmth in his voice, one that would humble any radio personality down on earth.

Lillian cautiously hovered towards the light and soon became one with Gabriel’s aura. The energy gave her the feeling of a giant, warm hug from her grandfather, but multiplied by one-hundred or maybe one-thousand.

Without experiencing any physical sensation of traveling, Lillian found herself on a different astral plane before she even knew she had gone anywhere. It was a giant white space with a tremendous energy that was extremely difficult to explain in words. The best way to describe it was in saying it felt like the world and all the energy within it. All the good energy, that is. The rivers, the ocean, the trees, the butterflies, the bees, the artists, the mathematicians, the philosophers, the writers, the fools...the love...everything. It was Genesis, essentially. It was what the world WAS...before it soured.

“What is it, Lillian?” asked an overwhelmingly deep voice that made Gabriel’s radio voice sound like the squeak of a mouse. The voice came from behind Lillian and was startling at first. She turned around to see the outline of a man slowly manifest itself. He was sitting at a rectangular desk with some paperwork and a lamp. Could this have been how God was showing Himself to her?

“God?”

“Yes.”

“My name is Lillian. I’m Jeffrey Gray’s guide.”

“I know who you are.”

“Yes...right. Of course.”

“How is Jeffrey?”

“Um...well, not so good, I’m afraid.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Well, I think it’s getting a little too difficult for him.”

“What is?”

“His life.”

“Life isn’t supposed to be easy.”

“Well, I think he needs a little...maybe just a tad...of....”

She hesitated a moment before she finished her sentence.

“Success.”

Wow, she didn’t think it would be such a big deal, but she felt as though she’d just said a dirty word, like the ‘N-word’ at a NAACP meeting, or the “K-Word” in the middle of a Jewish Temple. Heck, she probably would’ve been more comfortable dropping a cuss, like ‘damn’ or ‘crud’.

“Absolutely not,” said God.

“Why?”

“Success is the artist’s greatest enemy.”

“But I had my first novel published when I was twenty.”

“That’s because it was a piece of garbage.”

Indeed, it was probably true. Well, heck, if God said it, then it MUST have been the truth. See, Lillian was an extremely successful writer during her time on earth. She wrote an entire series of titillating novels with all sorts of spicy romances and betrayals and back-stabbings and murders and affairs. They were all Bestsellers for the most part and a lot of critics even went so far as to call them ‘art’ (hence the Pulitzer prize). But there was always a voice inside her head that said she could do better. She should have listened to the voice. Yes, she should have listened.

It wasn’t until her death and subsequent “life review” that she was faced with the truth of her human existence: basically, that she was a literary hack who did nothing but distract people from more important things in life. Sure, she had the money, the nice house, nice car, exciting vacations and good-looking kids. She schmoozed and rubbed elbows with all the celebrities of her time. She even got to meet the President at a dinner. And shook hands with the Pope and Dalai Lama. But, after she died, she realized that all those things were absolutely meaningless. They didn’t matter...like, at all.

So, now, she was assigned to help Jeffrey with his own writing endeavors, partly because he needed the help, but also because she needed to help him in order to help herself. Because in assisting Jeffrey she would get her wings, and progress on a spiritual level. It was all a Karmic way of repaying the world for all the garbage she put into it while she was down there.

Of course, Lillian was well-aware that Jeffrey’s life had to be significantly tougher than her life was in order for the spiritual progression to take place. But she, still, thought it may have been too much for one man to handle.

“You don’t know how he feels down there,” she tried to explain to God. “He’s going crazy.”

“Life is tough. End of story.”

“But I think his contract is too difficult. It’s too ambitious. He’s over-extended himself.”

“Help him fulfill it. He can do it.”

“I’ve tried and tried. And tried. But it doesn’t work anymore.”

“Do what you must to keep him writing, but if you give him even a taste of success, you can forget about your wings.”

Immediately - with that threat voiced - the wings fantasy returned to Lillian. This time, however, the vision of her flying over New York City was accompanied by her favorite song from earth. It was a song she had heard at Sunday Mass. Incidentally, it was also the song they played at her funeral. “And He will raise you up, on eagle’s wings. Bear you on the breath of dawn!!!!”

Needless to say, the thought of never getting wings put a muzzle on Lillian. She became reluctantly complacent.

“Yes, God. I understand. No success.”

She took a few steps backwards, unaware that Gabriel’s energy was still lurking immediately behind her. The Archangel weaved his energy in and out of Lillian's energy and transported her back to the lower levels.

Meeting Henry James

For your reference, you may want to read the three blogs listed below if you haven't already. They will provide all the necessary backstory to this blog:

http://thenattyicediaries.blogspot.com/2010/01/meeting-my-guides.html

http://thenattyicediaries.blogspot.com/2010/03/meeting-lillian-gish-and-dw-griffith.html

http://thenattyicediaries.blogspot.com/2010/05/meeting-hunter-s-thompson-and-nathanael.html


Basically, I don't have a whole lot to say other than I have identified a seventh (non-family member) spirit guide who apparently helps me with my work. He is Henry James.

James, if you are unfamiliar, was one of the great American novelists of the late 19th/early 20th century. He was known for such novels as The Portrait of a Lady, The American, Washington Square, as well as his short stories like The Beast in the Jungle and The Private Life. His work dealt with how the human consciousness functioned and often focused on how 'New World' Americans interacted with 'Old World' Europeans.

The manner in which I identified James as a guide was a little roundabout. About a month ago, I randomly started getting interested in Pragmatism, which was a philosophy developed by William James. In fact, it was William whom I initially suspected as being a spirit guide of mine, because I had remembered Liam Galvin saying I had philosophers "with me" in spirit (see the videos in the first blog). But upon researching William a bit, I came to realize that he was brothers with Henry James, which is something I hadn't realized. I had always been drawn to Henry James' work, especially The Beast in the Jungle, The Lesson of the Master and The Private Life. So I thought..."hmmmm...maybe he's a guide, too." And for some reason this started to feel that it was likely to be true. Call me weird, but I had a gut feeling about it. It seemed right.

A month went by before I really felt the need to seek confirmation. Like usual, I asked my medium friend Jan to dowse for me (read about dowsing in my second and third bog) and the results were interesting. Here is our unedited correspondence:

----- Original Message -----

From: Matt
To: Jan
Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 12:34 AM

Subject: Hi Janet

Hi Jan:

I think two more of my spirit guides have been making their presence known to me and I just thought it might be nice to possibly get some confirmation. If you have any moment in the near future, could you dowse and check to see if philosopher William James and novelist Henry James are with me as spirit guides? Their names have been in my head for about a month now and I thought it might be nice to get some sort of confirmation. Again, no rush on this whatsoever. Please don't go to any trouble. Just curious if they are, indeed, "with me." Thanks so much!

-- Matt


----- Original Message -----
From: Jan
To: Matt
Sent: Thursday, July 29, 2010 1:04:52 PM
Subject: Re: Hi Janet

Yes - on Henry James, but no - on William James. But I think that you are supposed to read some of William James' writings. I hope this helps. Enjoy your week in Falmouth! : )

Jan

---

So, according to Jan, Henry was a guide, but William wasn't (though I guess I was supposed to read his writing, which made sense). I thought this was interesting, because I would have thought William was my guide before Henry, seeing that I was so drawn to Pragmatism at the time. But this apparently wasn't the case. Maybe attracting me to Pragmatism was just Henry's indirect way of revealing his identity to me. Who knows?

I also find it interesting that Jan's results proved to be a bit more complicated than just providing affirmative responses, like it did with Hunter Thompson and Nathanael West (see third blog). This time around, I felt that getting a 'no' for William James added to the validity of her dowsing skills. In other words, I wasn't just getting 'yessed' to death. There was something more complex happening other than simply telling me what I wanted to hear.

So, yes, as of this date I have identified seven non-family-member spirit guides who, I guess, help me with my creative endeavors. They are John Cassavetes, Alfred Hitchcock, Lillian Gish, D.W. Griffith, Nathanael West, Hunter S. Thompson, and last (but not least) Henry James. When he gave me my reading in January, Liam Galvin had actually told me there were seven main guides who helped me with my work (see videos). Were these the seven guides? Will I identify anybody else? I suppose time will tell.

But, again I find myself wondering how it was that I lucked out and got such great guides (if it's all, indeed, true). I was actually watching an interview with "Jane's Addiction" front-man Perry Farrell not too long ago (click HERE to view), and he was talking about his "spirit" and, specifically, a spirit guide of his who visited him in his dreams. One interesting thing he started talking about was the "law of attraction," which is a concept that most people are familiar with these days, what with the whole "positive psychology" movement and what-not. The law of attraction, if you're not familiar, says that positive people attract other positive people to them in life, like friends, lovers, colleagues etc. Farrell, however, insinuated in his interview that positive people also attract positive people in spirit: that is, positive spirit guides.

So this is kind of an interesting concept: the more positive our endeavors, the more positive energy we attract to us, both on earth and in the spirit realm. And maybe the bigger endeavors we attempt to pursue in life the better guides we get to help us. In other words, we ALL have the ability to attract some really awesome people to us, if only we have the courage to go out and do awesome things. This isn't to say that I'm awesome and this is why I've attracted awesome guides. But I do feel I've taken certain atypical risks in my life that not a whole lot of people take, so maybe it paid off. I don't know.

This is all food for thought, anyway. There may be no truth to it whatsoever, but it makes you think a little bit.

The Death of Freedom

Evidence that freedom in America may be on its deathbed:


Tuesday June 8th, 2010

Washington Post journalist Helen Thomas was forced to resign after voicing “anti-Israel” comments. Basically, she said Israel should “get the hell out of Palestine”. I’m not saying I agree with her views, but I respect her for saying something she believes in (instead of being journalistically neutral, which, I feel, is death, even Un-American). Thomas shouldn’t be forced to resign from her job for having an unpopular opinion. Think about it: she lost her job because she was being FREE.


Thursday June 17th, 2010

Congressmen grilled BP CEO Tony Hayward today in a congressional hearing, basically pinning all the blame on him for the big mess in the Gulf. A brave Republican from Texas named Joe Barton went against his fellow congressmen and boldly apologized to Hayward for the Obama administration's “20 billion shakedown”. He quickly retracted the apology, however, when his party leaders rebuked him for his words. I guess sticking up for BP was too conservative a stance, even for the Republicans. So much for free speech in Washington, the Capitol of a country that was built around the belief in free speech.


Wednesday June 23, 2010

General Stanley McChrystal was fired from his position as top Afghanistan commander after "mocking" Obama and the President’s senior officials in a Rolling Stone Article (he called Obama a “wounded animal” and National Security Adviser James Jones a "clown", among other things). McChrystal was initially forced to apologize for the comments, but was ultimately asked to step down by Obama. Maybe his comments were immature and maybe the war will be better handled without him, but are McChrystal's blunt opinions really grounds for termination? Apparently freedom of speech is tolerated in America so long as it doesn't undermine those who are in power.

...

If people can't handle freedom (as the above examples indicate), then maybe it’s time we reevaluate our nation’s basic principles. Do we really want to be free? Or is the reality of freedom too ugly to handle?

We’ve spent the last decade hunting down people like Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden, who are so-called “enemies of freedom”. We’ve “liberated” places like Iraq and Afghanistan, and would like to do the same in places like Iran and North Korea. But what values are we really bringing to these countries? Isn't it a little hypocritical to be “liberating” these places when we can't seem to handle freedom ourselves?

American Bully

For the past couple of months, there has been case after case after case of intense "bullying" in schools across America. Many of these cases have resulted in the bullied victim committing suicide (like what happened with Phoebe Prince in South Hadley, MA.) or at least having a traumatic mental breakdown of some sort. Bullies, of course, have always existed in schools, but why have they become even more intense and so vicious over the past few years? Honestly, it took me a while to find an answer to this question...but today I think it hit me.

I was surfing through some television channels while munching on a bite to eat and I happened to catch about five minutes of a show on VH1 called "Undateable". The show features a bunch of hack comedians making fun of guys who do the wrong things during first dates. Although the show is funny to some degree, the overall tone of it is condescending, making the male sex look like a bunch of idiots. OK, I get it. Sometimes we're clueless. Women rule. Men are dumb. Wow, really funny. Great TV.

Anyway, watching "Undateable" reminded me of how many shows there are on television that consist of smart-ass comedians making fun of people, whether it be celebrities, figures of pop-culture or just regular people in general. I'm thinking of shows in the vein of VH1's "Best Week Ever" or the "I love the 80s" type-shows or "The Fabulous Life" or the E! Channel's "Talk Soup" or Fox's "TMZ". For some reason, making fun of people (i.e. bullying) has become a very entertaining thing to do that apparently makes for some extremely good television.

And, again, some of these shows can be very funny (like "Talk Soup"). I mean, I admit that I can't help but laugh when I watch them. However, the overall effect of all this condescending TV programming can be extremely detrimental to our society. I would argue that the bullying we see all over the media today is largely responsible for the increased bullying we see in our American schools. And it's just not on the television; it's in the tabloids (that constantly poke fun at the celebrities), and on the radio (think Glenn Beck making fun of Obama's 11-year-old daughter), and in blogs (Perez Hilton), and even in 'parody' films like Epic Movie that make references to/make fun of people like Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan etc.. Young, impressionable minds who are exposed to all this kind of media, over time, come to understand bullying as something that is normal, even socially acceptable. The message they get is that it's OK to make fun of others.

Now, a lot of people - such as the hack comedians on VH1 and E!, or the scumbags at TMZ - would probably argue that the people they make fun of on their programs deserve to be made fun of, because they're 'celebrity divas', or, to use a new term that's become popular lately, 'celebutards'. But, really, who are they to judge? As Jesus would say, "let he who is without sin throw the first stone", or, to put it another way, 'let he who is without fault make fun of a person who is with fault'. I mean, what ever happened to compassion and understanding? What ever happened to tolerance? Even if there are people who "deserve" to be made fun of, isn't it a waste of time to call them out on it? Get a life. There are so many other positive things one can be doing with their time.

It's probably true that bullying makes for good ratings and sells more tickets or tabloids, but it's just flat-out wrong when you think about it and (if the Phoebe Prince tragedy is any indication) it has extremely tragic consequences in our culture as a whole. We need to be sending today's children a much better message.

Email from Ray Carney re: KING OF HEARTS

I just got this email today from world-renown film critic Ray Carney (cassavetes.com) who is known within the Independent Film World as one of the toughest cookies to please. I had sent him an email a few weeks ago about a play I was in called "King of Hearts", but he never responded and I thought there was no way in hell that he would actually come and see it. But apparently he did!

I post his email here for two reasons: first, I like to toot my own horn, but second, the email says a couple of interesting things about the responsibility an actor has to portraying a character truthfully.

Here is the email:


From: "Ray Carney"
To: m2burns@comcast.net
Sent: Thursday, June 3, 2010 7:15:13 PM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: at the intersection of Norfolk and 1A.....

Matt,

I waved but you didn't see me. I was pulling out of Norfolk St. at around 5:40 today from 1A and you were turning onto it in a small black car. But it did remind me that I have been remiss in telling you what a great job I thought you did in King of Hearts. You wonderfully stayed "inside" your character (the deaf mute), functioning from HIS perspective and HIS understanding. That is the essence of drama. So many actors play themselves, from THEIR OWN points of view, but you played your character, from his pov. Great work!

Forgive me for being out of touch for so long. No excuse. Just busy. (Currently editing a book chapter in FRENCH and my French is primitive. Welcome to my world!)

Stay well. And keep doing the drama/acting thing. You have talent!

Ray
Ray Carney, Prof. of Film and American Studies

Author: Cassavetes on Cassavetes (Farrar, Straus and Giroux/Faber and Faber); Shadows (British Film Institute/University of California Press); John Cassavetes: The Adventure of Insecurity; The Films of Mike Leigh (Cambridge University Press); The Films of Frank Capra (Wesleyan University Press); Speaking the Language of Desire: The Films of Carl Dreyer (Cambridge University Press); The Films of John Cassavetes: Pragmatism, Modernism, and the Movies (Cambridge University Press), and other works

Ray Carney's web site--"The Independent Film Pages"
http://www.Cassavetes.com

Ray Carney's blog--"Necessary Experiences: Why Art Matters"
http://people.bu.edu/rcarney/aboutrc/letters.shtml

Mailing address:
Prof. Ray Carney
College of Communication
640 Commonwealth Avenue
Boston University
Boston, MA 02215